.profile

A collection of completely unsolicited opinions to help you figure out who you’re dealing with.

(Updated periodically as I think of them.)

What is your architectural philosophy?

Microservices are just a clever way to blame another team for outages.

What’s your take on container orchestration?

Kubernetes is just an elaborate, multi-layered coping mechanism for not wanting to write a systemd service file.

Tabs or Spaces?

Spaces are only favored by people who like to increase their character count.

VIM Or Emacs

Vim isn’t actually a text editor; it’s just a lightweight escape room you accidentally install on your servers. (Also VIM all the way)

What Lessons Did You Learn From Star Wars

The DeathStar failed because QA and Engineering figured that the design bug was too much of an edge case worth worrying about.

How do you feel about modern development tools like AI?

AI will never take over the world. It’s eventually going to get stuck trying to exit an interactive git rebase and just give up.

Do you like mechanical keyboards?

Mechanical keyboards are just incredibly loud adult fidget spinners. (And, I own several of them).

XML, JSON, or YAML?

YAML is just Python without the commitment, and JSON is just XML that finally went to therapy.

How do you handle code documentation?

Self-documenting code" is a myth invented by developers who are just afraid of writing a README.md.

Why do developers love dark mode so much?

Dark mode doesn’t actually make you a 10x developer, it just helps hide the bags under your eyes during morning meetings.